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[19 Nov 2009|12:14pm] |
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Teetering on the brink of extinction.
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[15 Oct 2009|07:03pm] |
I 'm setting up my first concert ever, and it's going well. I booked the Elks Lodge for Halloween night, I sent out flyers, invitations, event requests, everything. I've been shamelessly promoting this shit for so long, and if the 19th rolls around and I don't get that permit, my life has been wasted.
In other news, things are still weird, and building up, and stressing me the hell out. I have work tonight from 10pm to 6am. I need to sleep.
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[12 Oct 2009|01:46am] |
hmmm...
strange days, indeed.
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| Bands and Sickness. |
[30 Sep 2009|11:47am] |
Hey everyone! long time no speak.
Things have been going well for the ben, though i've been sick quite a bit lately. I've been music-making nonstop for a few months now, with TWO new bands, plus the Hoagies, a band that I "manage"(which is equal to sitting on the front porch of the guitarist's house after they practice while they smoke and talking about what i think they should do).
There are sad things, too.
I miss my groton friends. it's half my life that i've just drifted away from! everyone is off doing their own thing now, which is great, but i still need to get my butt out to wherever they are and stop in for a few hours at least.
I haven't been to any concerts since i saw the acacia strain with charlie and urias. Sad, sad, sad. i don't even like the acacia strain.
I'm out of money, and have no job yet. same thing that happened to me last year.
However, i am an optimist(sometimes), and will end on a good note.
I'm putting on the most KICKASS concert/dinner/party EVER on halloween. I rented out the elk's lodge in natick, and two of my bands, three punk bands, and a fucking BLUEGRASS band are playing, whilst everyone is dressed up and enjoying halloweenie delights!
This is by far going to be the coolest halloween ever. And hopefully, i'll make a little money off of the five dollar admission i'm charging!
ahhh, life is generally good.
Anyway, the two bands i'm in now are called Ohrid and Xatatax. I am just the vocalist in the first one, and we haven't really gotten our act together yet fully.
Xatatax, however, is my solo stuff at this time, and it is melodic avante-garde doom metal. Check it out.
www.myspace.com/xatatax.
:)
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[21 Sep 2009|02:33am] |
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just got paint, canvasses, and a huge supply of ink and pens. i managed to, with the help of evil science and black magic, reanimate my dead recording laptop. i feel omnipotent and omniscient, and nothing will stop me from spending all of my newly acquired job-free week painting, sketching, inking, and, most importantly of all, creating a shit-ton of epic, down-tempo, sorrowful, hateful, disturbing, avant-garde music. it's time to play god.
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[03 Sep 2009|12:26am] |
hmm. bored. brooding. unhappy. i want to carve some runes. i've been reading a lot about them, about their uses, and about their ability to make one believe that coincidence is really magic. i just want to make a fantasy world. i'm so sick and bored of the real one.
my brother, sam, has his birthday today(thursday). i wish sometimes that i was a better brother to him. maybe charlie turned out so fucked because i really was never there for him.
or maybe charlie just turned out fucked because of human nature: being lustful, naive, and proud.
i hate humanity.
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[20 Aug 2009|06:58pm] |
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so i'm down to pretty much nothing but myself musically again. kevin and don are going away to school, chris damata and jackson didn't work out at all. nothing is happening. i need music. i need to make it. what the fuck am i going to do? i can't make music alone for my whole life, and i'm so sick of not being able to play live shows.
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[24 Jul 2009|12:11am] |
putting jewel down was really sad...i've never been in the room when an animal has been euthanized before. it was scary, and just rather unhappy altogether. even though she wasn't my rat, i couldn't help but to think that i could have given her a better life here, by being more affectionate toward her, feeding her more treats, petting her...the things i would have done for my own pets. i wish she had been mine, i know i would have been a far better pet parent for her than my neglectful brother. he's been off in his own selfish world, and so was i for a while, but still...
praedabundus is going well. i don't know how far it will go, but it seems to be working out, and kevin is a good friend. we click well musically, and don is just the right amount punk-drummer to even out the differences in influences between kevin and i.
i don't think i'm going to be the lead vocalist in any metal bands any time soon, though it's my dream to be...ah well.
janet and i still have our differences, but we have matured so much since the turmoil of last year, as individuals and in our relationship, that i pretty much know she is my future. i love her. i have made so many mistakes in my life, but luckily, she is not one of them.
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[16 Jul 2009|12:26pm] |
things aren't so bad. i complain a lot, but things are really not bad at all. i like my life. i like the people in it. i like myself.
the problem is, this sort of contentedness only ever lasts a little while.
i need to find an after-summer job. i need to find a new place to live(even though my parents and i get along MUCH better now). i need to find a good car. i need to be in a seriously dedicated band. i need to play live shows. i need to not lose track of my old friends.
these things are bothering me greatly, but right now i am able to ignore them, look outside at the rain, and feel confident that everything will get better eventually.
maybe it is vitamin d deficiency. who knows.
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[08 Jul 2009|10:33pm] |
I'm scared, still, that things are going to spiral even more...
now that i have no control, i feel that i will get more depressed than i ever had been, because i know that i'm standing on very unstable ground. i walk on eggshells around pretty much everyone i know.
and i am still happy sometimes, but mostly it seems like my days drag on and on, being the same over and over again.
i want to do something to break the monotony, but i can't think of anything that i could do that wouldn't destroy me and the life that i want.
i need to figure things out before i hate everything.
i love my friends, and i love that they respect me now. i like who i am, but i know that i'm horridly boring. i know that i bore everyone, especially those that are closest to me.
i don't even know.
i love you.
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[24 Jun 2009|05:07am] |
Transformers 2 was amazing. thank god for big budgets and giant robots.
and also, MY CELLULAR PHONE SUCKS MY ASSCHEEKS. why can't i download ringtones that work? FUCK SAMSUNG.
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[22 Jun 2009|04:48pm] |
i am so sick of the rain. usually i enjoy rain. this is just ridiculous.
i am getting no money.
i am bored out of my mind.
i need a band.
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| Melee! Pokemon Scramble! |
[06 Jun 2009|12:31am] |
holy shit. nintendo has a real-time POKEMON BRAWLER coming out in the VERY NEAR FUTURE for the wii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can you say "life-consuming"? i think you can. check it out. fo' realzies, kiddos.
http://www.serebii.net/melee/
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[02 Jun 2009|11:28pm] |
what is it about me that annoys you so much?
why do i piss you off so often?
why can't i just make you happy the way you make me happy?
i really don't understand.
my zune broke.
now my d.s. is the only reliable source of technology i own.
joy.
i feel sick.
literally all i've been doing lately is playing pokemon, going to work, and hanging out with janet. the janet part is good. i feel really sad though. drained, exhausted, and just plain out-of-it. it's no one's fault, and i don't have any explanation for it, but i just have this horrid feeling of impending doom. like there's some terrifying black clouds looming in the distant sky, and the wind is blowing them directly at me very, very slowly.
i feel like i'm rotting.
again, it's not anyone's fault. these depressions usually aren't, although the last depression that was this bad was entirely my fault.
i just can't seem to catch a break recently.
at least i have a job and someone who loves me.
that's optimism, right?
...we've got to get out of this fucking state.
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[30 May 2009|09:15pm] |
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so today, i got to miss the zombie march AND a pink floyd light show for fucking work. it was the worst day i've had in a long, long time, since i was looking forward to the zombie march since fucking january. also, my phone fell into the pool at work. awesome.
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[29 May 2009|12:13am] |
As the smoke is clearing, i'm starting to believe that the calm i'm feeling now is just to give me a break from the hardships that i've been facing. There's more bad to come. I just don't know when.
I'm making music again. Check out www.myspace.com/gnalel . there's some good stuff there.
Also, work is good. Sparse because of all the rain, but good nonetheless.
It's nice to feel needed.
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[27 May 2009|02:57pm] |
Wow.
So, summer.
Fuck.
Work is good. Janet is good. Uglyfish is good.
I'm drinking Dr. Bob and eating cottage cheese.
I think life is alright right now.
When money comes, it will be better.
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[17 May 2009|09:59pm] |
I am very scared.
Just thought I'd say that.
I want to be confident that it'll all work out, but I'm just so nervous and anxious right now...
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[16 May 2009|01:41am] |
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Who are you?
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| Pokefailure. |
[15 May 2009|06:16pm] |
I'm unhappy with myself as a Pokemon master. I got to the part in Pokemon Platinum where the three legendary bird Pokemon(Moltres, Articuno, and Zapdos) go running around, after the acquisition of the National Dex, and now I cannot - no matter how hard I freaking try - catch them. I put them all to sleep AND paralyzed them, got them all down to a quarter of their original HP, and still, every time I try I use up hours at a time and at least 20 of all assortments of Pokeballs without success. I am disappointed in myself and I don't know if I can go on. I think it's time to commit the first virtual suicide in the Sinnoh region.
So nerd talk aside, today was good.
I worked from 7:30 - 4:00 planting flowers for the Pool/Condos I work at. I made quite a bit of money, though I have yet to see it, and got exercise. Sadly, now I am completely drained.
Ah, well. The curse of a job well done, I suppose.
Back to work at 7:30 tomorrow, working for a couple hours, and then hopefully going to Harvard Square with Janet all afternoon. That would be lovely.
Here's hoping!
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